


When His Heart Cries

by Pandora (JustaxPan)



Series: When His Heart Cries [1]
Category: Magic: The Gathering (Card Game)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet Ending, But AU for my OC, Canon Character Personality Ruination, Canon characters are easier to write, Character Destruction, Depression, Don't know where Jace lives, F/M, He actually cries, He cares deeply, He has feelings for someone, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Jace is Depressed, Jace is Suicidal, Jace is mentally destroyed, Jace starts to drink a bit heavily, Just From Her Point of View, Mental Breakdown, Mentions of Suicide, Other, Post-War of the Spark, So he lives in a giant manor, So she has a purpose, Spiraling Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, The Gatewatch care, slight AU, there will be a part two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 13:50:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20743232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustaxPan/pseuds/Pandora
Summary: This is mostly my AU for how my OC fits into the story. I know it's awkward, it's supposed to be Post-Spark, but things are kinda off? I think?





	When His Heart Cries

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly my AU for how my OC fits into the story. I know it's awkward, it's supposed to be Post-Spark, but things are kinda off? I think?

He couldn’t find his way. He was surrounded by darkness, stumbling in a fog. The thickness was nearly suffocating, enveloping his entire being. He felt like the walls of his mind would cave in, and destroy everything he knew; everything he remembered. About her.

He couldn’t shake the daze, the overwhelming feeling of emptiness. The manor had grown cold since she left. But how long had it been? Days? Months? Had she been gone for years? He couldn’t remember, but he did remember her goodbye.

His mind emerged from the darkness it had subjected itself to, allowing him to take a deep breath, and return to his reality. The chill crept into his study, creeping along the floor, and over his body. He drew his cloak around himself, trying to get warm, but it was no use.

It wasn’t cold, winter was still a ways away, but the chill still lingered. He knew the chill wasn’t real, it wasn’t coming from an external source. It was coming from him. It seeped from the loneliness he felt deep within his chest, and encircled him. He stood from his chair, the soft creak echoing loudly through the empty room. It rang in his ears, causing him to press his hands against them. But it didn’t stop.

The ringing, the echoes, the sound of the silence were things that caused his mind to wither, and hide within the shadows once more. Lowering his hands, he moved quickly from the study. It was supposed to be his sanctuary, his safe place. But now it became his prison, the constant reminder that he was alone.

He moved quickly through the halls, just trying to escape. But the silence followed. It reached out with long fingers, clutching at his arms, his cloak, anything to pull him back into the emptiness, but he refused to allow it.

He stopped in the hall, with the large windows looking over the back garden. He let out heavy breaths, knowing he was running from his own imagination, but it still hurt. He stepped forward, and pressed his forehead to the glass, looking down at the garden below him.

The trees and flowers were still in full bloom, the fruits and vegetables ready to be harvested, but they would lack the tender touch and care they needed. Even more so, they were void of their color. His world had gone gray since she left. Without her radiant light, there was no meaning to anything.

He was stronger than this, he’d survived years before her, but why was he so weak with her gone? What had she done to him? His life had light before, and he was his normal self, but she had brought something more into his life. Hope, happiness, joy, and somehow a brighter light to his world. But then she took it all away.

Why? Why did she hurt him so? Why was she just another girl who pushed him away, when he gave her a life, a new start? He turned away from the glass, and slammed his fist into the wall next to him. His eyes darkened for a moment, anger flooded through his entire body, coursing through his veins. Tremors followed. He wanted, no, needed to scream. But no sound would come out.

Just as fast as the anger came, it faded and was replaced by the sickening, crushing feeling of depression once more. He placed his hand against the cool glass, and closed his eyes.

“What am I thinking? I can’t be mad at you…,” he whispered, before stepping away. She had her reasons, and he had to accept it. But she never told him what the reasons were.

She left a note outside his bedroom door. He had found it the morning she planned on leaving. It was a vague message, her goodbye. Her way of escaping the pain that he had caused her.

_‘__I’m sorry, Jace. I have to go.’ _The words felt like a punch in the gut as soon as he read them. He felt nauseous, and like his entire world was spinning, crumbling at his feet. And yet he ran. He ran as fast as he could to her bedroom, and opened the door, panting heavily as he watched her pack up her belongings.

She had turned to face him, a saddened look in her gold eyes. Her eyes had never looked so empty, but they did now, and he couldn’t fix her pain. He had asked many times, but she gave no answer. Knowing it was rude, he still tried to invade her mind, to see what he could do to help, but even she was smart enough to put a barrier up. She blocked him out, she shut herself away from him.

Why was she like this? When did she hide things from him? So many questions came to his mind, he was ready for words to flood out. But only one fell from his lips, filled with a deep sense of sadness, of hurt.

“Why?” His eyes locked onto hers, waiting for an answer, but she didn’t give one. Instead she turned away, slipping on her sigil of Avacyn, the angel that once protected her home plane.

She stood, grabbing her bag, and stepped up to him, a shadow falling over her eyes. She was hiding from him. He could read eyes as well as he could read minds, but she hid hers from him. Keeping him at bay once more.

She bit her lip as she stepped past him, not looking back. He had thought he saw a tear roll down her cheek. His heart broke. No, it shattered. He felt bile rise to his throat, as he turned. He reached out to stop her, to pull her to his chest and tell her everything was going to be okay. To apologize for his cold exterior, for pushing her away, and that he was there for her, always.

But his fingers passed through her arm, as she faded into the white flowers of her mana, leaving him behind as she planeswalked away without another word.

His fingers closed in her absence, and his hand fell to his side. He stared at where she had just been, as his world began to grow dark.

He wanted to go after her, to apologize for what he had done wrong. But he didn’t know where she went. The multiverse was too big for him to hop from plane to plane to find her. He felt chained down, he was needed here. _She_ was needed here.

He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the memories of that day. It was only then that he realized he had been crying. The tears dropped onto the floor before his feet, catching him by surprise. When was the last time he cried? Even Liliana’s harsh rejects never pulled at his heart this painfully, not even when she claimed she could replace him as easily as she could replace a pet. He was disposable.

The thoughts were getting louder. Was he really disposable? Was he not good enough for her? He sank to his knees, his fists pressed against his forehead.

“Why? Why, Nolana? What could I have done?” he sobbed, becoming a broken shell of the man he once was. She had brought out the good in him, the light that he didn’t know he had, but she had the same power to shatter him, leaving him as a husk.

He stayed like that for hours, her name escaping his lips in painful sobs. After feeling like a lost child, and everything had faded, he stood. The haze returned, the suffocating fog surrounded his mind once more.

He might as well have been a zombie. He shambled about, dragging his feet, and looking blankly ahead. It had gotten the attention of the other Gatewatch members, at least the remaining few. Their comforting words went through him. Instead of helping, they stung.

_‘She has things to do as well, Jace. She’ll be back.’_

_ ‘She’s grown fond of you, you know she can’t stay away forever.’_

_ ‘Come on! Cheer up! You’ve got us. Sure we can’t fix your broken heart, but we can fill the empty space.’_

But nothing worked. He still found himself moping about. His eyes seemed to be permanently glazed over from the tears he held back. He was shutting even his friends out. How could he do this to them? They were trying to help, and he turned them away.

With the war over, the Gatewatch were getting a much needed break from jumping from plane to plane, to be themselves again, to rebuild their lives, but he began to isolate himself from the group. They would invite him to relax, join them on a plane to grab good food, or just drink for a bit. He used to accept the offers, but now he turned them down.

He hardly even began showing up to their friendly gatherings. There was no need for him there, he didn’t need to burden them. Not with his pain, his emptiness, his feeling of loss. Though he still had them, the world seemed to fall away, and soon it felt as though they had fallen away.

They tried as hard as they could to get him out of the darkness, but he sank back into it. His eyes were always fixated on something in the distance, but never really focusing. His mind had gone blank, and only flashes of her face filled the emptiness.

It made him want to throw up, it made him want to just rip his own heart out. To stomp it into the dirt, to get rid of the thing that hurt the most. But he couldn’t. His own body rejected his thoughts.

He soon found himself in his study once more, sitting in the chair, staring into the darkness. He refused to turn the lights on, they filled him with false hope. They made him believe the warmth would return, but he knew it wouldn’t.

He remained in the study at night, occasionally a bottle would hang from his hand, his eyes empty. His heart empty. The bottle empty. It wasn’t often, but at times the alcohol would numb the pain, just a little bit.

He lost track of how many times he heard knocks on his study door, and the voices of Ajani, Nissa, Chandra, or even Lavinia calling through to him. But he’d only turn them away. Telling them to leave him alone, to leave him to his thoughts, his anguish.

It was dragging him deeper, the sleepless nights, the occasional drinks that would numb his brain, the emptiness he sentenced himself to in his study.

He was ready for it to end. He was too deep, too far gone. He dropped the bottle he held, and leaned forward, holding his head in his hands. He combed his fingers through his hair, a heavy sigh leaving his lips. He was at the deep end, and ready to jump. The tears began again, but he couldn’t feel them any longer. They left splotches on the wood, reminding him that he could feel, even if it was sadness. He hated it, he hated the fact that he could feel, could hurt.

Just one more step. Just one more step in his mind, and it could all be over. Her absence, his pain. Everything. If he just had the strength to push himself over the edge, to finally call it quits. His body was ready to stand, to return to his empty room, and give up. His mind was prepared to destroy itself, to go off like a bomb, taking him with it.

He was about to stand, ready to push himself out of the chair, when slow footsteps approached. Something wrapped around his shoulders, pulling his head to something soft, something… warm? He didn’t understand, but he didn’t question it. He closed his eyes, letting the warmth fill his body. It felt like the light was returning to his life, but he tried to tell himself it was because he was ready to die.

He could feel fingers comb through his hair, a gentle hand rubbing circles on his back. A steady rise and fall of a chest beneath his cheek. He wrapped his arms around her, and this time he wasn’t going to let go, as the warmth overtook him. Pulling him to a place he could only assume was his afterlife.

But he didn’t feel cold, he didn’t feel dead. He felt, _alive_. More alive than he had for, who knows how long. He could finally breathe, and as he did, the scent of strawberries filled his nostrils. Her scent. Her skin, her body. _Her._

“I’m home, Jace.”

**Author's Note:**

> There will be a part two from my OC Nolana's point of view, and why she left. It will take some time, but hope it's worth it.


End file.
